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5 Things The Media Loves Pretending Are News

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Scientists with the National Institute of Standards and Technology say their three year investigation of the collapse determined the demise of WTC 7 was the first time in the world a fire caused the total failure of a modern skyscraper.

The organization they mentioned, the NIST, studies how buildings collapse so that they can make sure future buildings don’t collapse. But instead of going into further detail on canada goose coats on sale their extensive investigation, we get this:

Canada Goose Parka Mike Berger of the group 9/11 Truth said he wasn’t buying the government’s explanation. “Their explanation simply isn’t sufficient. We’re canada goose uk shop being lied to,” he said. Ah, yes, the conspiracy nut. Again, we would never deny a crazy person the right to be crazy. Canada Goose Parka

They just shouldn’t get a voice equal to Canada Goose Online that of canada goose hundreds of highly trained experts. It can’t be done that way. After all, there is a contingent of conspiracy kooks drifting around every subject. You don’t stop every story about AIDS in Africa to hear from canada goose uk black friday the John Bircher who thinks AIDS is a secret government population control project spread by fluoridated water.

Canada Goose online But we can’t just disregard their opinions, can we? Yes. Yes we can. If you’re going to weigh in on a scientific matter, you need to bring data, gathered by people who know what the fuck they’re talking about. If the subject is medicinal marijuana, we’re not canada goose clearance going to quote a stoner who has suddenly realized his hands can talk. Canada Goose online

Canada Goose Outlet Obviously we can thank the Watergate Scandal for this, which was only named that Canada Goose Parka because it involved a break in at the Watergate hotel, which itself was named after a planned reception area on the shore of the Potomac river that oh by the way, does not exist. Canada Goose Outlet

canada goose We get another ” gate” about once a year these days. The Clinton administration had like five different gate scandals (Troopergate, Travelgate, etc). But now? Janet Jackson’s nip slip at the Superbowl Nipplegate. Tom Cruise mad at an episode of South Park that makes fun of Scientology? Closetgate. Someone crashes canada goose uk outlet Obama’s party at the White House? Gatecrashergate. Soon we expect to learn Secretary of Defense Robert canada goose coats Gates is using public funds to buy himself a new gate in Gatesgategate. canada goose

canada goose clearance You have to feel sorry for weather men and women. These days you can get a weather forecast within five seconds on your PC or cell phone. So there is a certain desperation that comes with a guy who is doing a job he knows is not only obsolete, but a little bit silly. As a result, there are two types of weathermen/weatherwomen: the “Michael Bay” and “Captain Obvious.” canada goose clearance

buy canada goose jacket cheap And occasionally, the Ron Jeremy. buy canada goose jacket cheap

canada goose store The “Michael Bays” love to play up any kind of severe cheap canada goose uk storm like it’s straight from the Book of Revelation. They’ve been waiting all year for this, and immediately become the weather version of the sensationalist reporter, knowing that all eyes are on them. First step? Come up with a rad name for the storm. Then stand in front of a graphic that says, “The Blizzard of Oz” or “Snowmageddon” or “The You Gonna Get Stabbed in the Eyeball With an Icicle Like That Guy In Die Hard 2 Coldocalypse of ’08.” canada goose store

Now is the winter of your discontent.

canada goose black friday sale One example: A Portland, Oregon news site went on a frenzy calling an upcoming winter storm “Winter Blast.” The result? According to this site, Portland got two inches of snow. For the entire month of December. Holy Shit, two inches! Why that’s enough snow to build a four inch tall snowman, then look at pathetic said snowman, think of your Canada Goose Outlet childhood and uk canada goose wonder if you’ll ever be able to feel anything ever again. canada goose black friday sale

Canada Goose sale Then we have Captain Obvious. “Breaking news, everybody. It’s snowing! In Chicago! In January!” Canada Goose sale

canadian goose jacket Enjoy this CNN report, with their team tracking the kind of storm they get in Chicago every year at this time. That’s a national news channel there, breaking in to let you know that the weather in Chicago is doing exactly what you would expect. canadian goose jacket

buy canada goose jacket You know what we’re talking about; in a world where thousands of people go missing every year, the national news will latch onto the disappearance of an attractive, middle class white woman as if she was the only one that mattered. In 2002, we got non stop coverage of Elizabeth Smart, then Laci Peterson. Then a few years later the “Runaway Bride” Jennifer Wilbanks, and then Natalee Holloway aka that girl who went missing in Aruba. buy canada goose jacket

About the only thing that can knock a missing white woman from the headlines is MAN EATING SHARKS. Every few years somebody will get mauled by a shark, and we’re in for story after story about shark safety (even though far, far more people are attacked or killed by dogs every year).

canada goose deals Puppies, or Canada Goose Coats On Sale “dirt sharks,” are relentless in their pursuit of a meal. canada goose deals

The news actually declared the Summer of 2001 the Summer of the Shark after eight year old Jessie Arbogast was attacked by a bull shark while wading in shallow water. From then on, every subsequent attack anywhere in the world got immediate headlines. All told, shark attacks during the Summer of the Shark were, uh, down 15 percent from the year before.

Canada Goose Jackets Then, once November rolls around we’ll be ready for all of https://www.canadagoose-jackets-online.com those awesome Christmas stories. The conservative outlets will tell you all about the War on Christmas. They’ll profile the latest town or shopping mall that has changed its holiday decorations after realizing not everyone practices Christianity, and explain how this will lead to the downfall of civilization. Canada Goose Jackets

canada goose coats on sale It’s not that surprising that Macy’s would contribute to the apocalypse. canada goose coats on sale

cheap Canada Goose Meanwhile, everyone else will have their cameras positioned in department stores starting the day after Thanksgiving to cover the fact that HOLY SHIT IT IS NEAR CHRISTMAS AND PEOPLE ARE BUYING THINGS FOR CHRISTMAS FOR SOME REASON. cheap Canada Goose

There’s so much gray area around advertising that it’s practically all gray area. And it almost encompasses all of the media we consume. For instance, as much as we love Conan O’Brien, his show and all talk shows are simply outlets for studios to send actors with movies or shows to promote. John Stewart’s guests are often there on behalf of their publishers, to sell books. Then you have that show that aired after the uk canada canada goose outlet goose outlet Super Bowl, Undercover Boss, that is basically corporate PR disguised as a reality show. That’s just the way it is.

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But at least they used their own reporters. Media watchdog site PR Watch discovered that five different news stations used a “Video News Release” about ethanol production and treated it as their own story. What follows canadian goose jacket is the most insane conspiracy in a local TV news station since the second half of Anchorman. The different news stations just tossed on their own graphics and pretended that the shill playing the part of the reporter, Kate Brookes, was one of their own.

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